Sometimes, I laugh out loud at the emails I receive from students. I thought I would share a few anonymously. This first chain of emails happened during finals…

I’m sort of terrified to ask- soooo would you know what my overall grade in class is??
If it is anywhere near the letter C- please do not tell me.
Thanks Mr. B!!!!!

Then, an hour and a half later because I didn’t happen to check my email between 7:55 and 9:22…

does this mean I have a C?

Dear Student, I can’t check my email every moment of every day, so I suggest that you not ask a question where “say nothing if blah blah blah” is one of the options. (PS the student had a much higher grade than that, so I’m not sure why they were so worried in the first place)

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The next couple are all from the same student who provides CONSTANT amusement in and out of class.

Dear Mr Bowman
What does the word “oscillate” mean?
Thank You
Sincerely,
Student

Dear Student, in the time it took to write me that email, you could have looked the word up in your textbook or gone to dictionary.com.
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Dear Mr Bowman
I have a strange sort of dilemma that has sustained into my very being (I am confused about something). It involves immense integrational irking that I have endured since its angelic arrival from the heavens above. This gift from the heavens has hassled me like a hurricane and i have my head over heels trying to understand….

Dear Student, you don’t get extra points in Physics for alliteration.
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Dear Mr Bowman
Here it is! I’m sorry for the really lame presentation but the thing was there was this dragon and it came and it was like “PIGS!”… no. What really happened was I couldnt save the PDF file so I decided to print screen it onto a word document.
Thank you for the chance that you gave us to complete our work
Sincerely,
Student

Dear Student, I actually like the dragon excuse for your late homework better than the lame pdf one.
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Dear Mr Bowman
I have just finished attempting the quiz and got 9.9 out of 10 because of a stupid mistake!!!!! is this the end?!
_________________________________________
Im a peacock you gotta let me fly! (The Other Guys!)

Dear Student, I’m not sure what you mean by the end, but any way I imagine it, it sure sounds a lot worse than getting 9.9/10 on a quiz. Also, your signature quote is… beautiful.

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And last, a one-liner from another after I agreed to an extension…

Sankss
(Thanks in some accent)

Dear Student, you’re velcome.